Still

It's funny, I was thinking of what my next post would be on and it was proving difficult, till this morning something happened to me.

I'm an aspiring doctor, hm I've been saying that for the past five years and sometimes it hurts. I completed another degree but it just doesn't feel like 'IT'. These days I no longer talk about this aspiration of mine as I feel that the bottle which was once full of energy, passion and zeal is slowly running out, slowly finishing...almost empty. At times, I recharge my battery when I see another doctor, especially when they're young and around the age of 24-25. I'm like 'yay, I can definitely do this!' Then they leave and I'm left to face reality. 

The worst part is when you speak to some of your friends who are medics. I have a couple who are progressing on to their fourth year, mind you I still haven't started. Hm. Oh what about those friends I had who started off desiring to do medicine but one way or another changed their minds...it hasn't helped my bottle and my battery needs to be recharged. 

So what is it that happened to me today?

I went to see my GP, well a doctor from the hospital was in the surgery today. As she called my name to follow her to the office, I noticed that she was quite young and I felt a sharp gulp in my throat. 

We spoke about what I enquired and I'm being honest with you, my mind was half there and the other half wasn't. I was sitting there contemplating her age and itching to ask. She treated me for what I went in for and was about to leave, then I asked! Her age? 24!!!! 24!!! I repeat 24!! If I calculate properly she got in straight from A levels. Lucky her. 

So I left and prayed as I was walking to my destination thinking about what she said. I didn't cry because I had cried enough.  You know what she said to me when we spoke further? She said, 'Make sure it's what you want to do'. Hm. 

Anyways, I carried on with my journey, as I didn't want to ponder on what had happened. 

So I'm on the train and I plug in my earphones to my device and shuffle my songs. This song appears that I've never come across before 'Still' by Kirk Franklin. Tears came to my eyes but I had to wipe them away quickly as I didn't want to bring attention to myself. I relate to the song. I put it on repeat as I needed to listen properly to what they were singing. The long and short of it is 'He's still in control'. 

The song struck me in different ways because it addressed several issues that not only I was facing but that others close to me are facing. An example of a place that struck me is 

'You know every scripture, and what, where to pray'. In secondary school I was always referred to as the 'Bible' lool, I just had a big brain and read my Bible to be honest, so I was always spitting scriptures (not that I always knew what it meant). Anyways back to the song. This is me in that I know the 'right' things to say, I know the scripture, I have a right standing with God but still nothing is happening. If you're honest with yourselves this may be a place you've crossed. 

As you may be able to tell, I'm a Christian but I'm a Christian in a human body, living in a human world meaning sometimes it DOES get hard and I DO want to throw in the towel. I'm glad, however, of my faith because the hope I have in God does not disappoint. He just proved it in this small way by sending me this song. 

I've decided not to explain the song too much so that you may have a listen and be encouraged. You don't have to be a Christian to need encouragement.  However, as Christians we have an advantage because there's someone always listening to us, our groans, moans and sighs. There's someone we can turn to rather than alcohol, money or drugs which may give you a high for a while, but we all know it results in a low. 

Have a listen, be encouraged, keep living and most of all share this with someone that you know needs encouragement.