When it is not well

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5)

I’m from a Nigerian background…. scratch that - I am Nigerian and proudly so. I am also a Christian (waits for everyone’s negative view and moves on). With this said the term ‘Nigerian Christian’ comes to mind.  

I love love love the vibrancy, passion and zeal expressed by some of my fellow Nigerian Christians. The enthusiasm displayed is contagious and encourages you to be expressive of your worship. However, there is one pet peeve I have, the ‘IT IS WELL’ phrase.
I originally heard of this phrase in the beloved hymn - It is well with my soul. This hymn for me has been a great help during difficult times. Whilst it may not have brought the solution to the problem, what it has done is provide peace and clarity for me to move forward; something one can argue is a solution in itself.

Initially, ‘It is well’ was used, in my opinion, as a means to comfort someone going through a difficult time. I think it is quite appropriate actually. However, it has been abused!!! Errbody and then some say it. In fact, it’s even used as a way to end a conversation, as if to say it is now a full stop. Like how did this happen?
It has also been used as a means to avoid answering a question. Can anyone relate? You talk with someone but instead of them talking sense or providing you with a good answer they burst out with this response.

Ok there goes my background information…please follow along.

I recently encountered some not so pleasant circumstances and these were my thoughts. I kept thinking- what happens when it is not well? That sentence doesn’t sound grammatically correct but honestly, that’s what I thought. What do I do when I cannot find the right words to say to myself or even someone else? 

What happens when ‘It is well’ does not suffice? 

At the time I had no solution, but that season passed and with it came points that could help someone else get through a difficult season:

1.     A support system
Remember how I said the ‘it is well’ phrase was coined to encourage someone through a difficult time? Well having a support system sit with you to listen and provide encouraging thoughts can be a great anecdote to the situation you find yourself in.

2.     Allow yourself to go through the motions
I strongly believe in being real with yourself. I am one for crying, needing a hug or whatever else…BUT doing this in the presence of the Lord. So have your moment but do it with God.

3.     Realising there is an end

Sometimes when we go through certain things we forget that there is an end date to it. I get it, it seems like forever but when we walk with the mentality that ‘this too shall pass’, it helps us in our attitudes to move forward.

4.     Taking it step by step
Give yourself some slack. You will not know what to do at every point, instead ask God for the next thing to do and He will direct your path.

If there’s anything I wanted to achieve with this post, it was to make you think about the power behind words…I hope that can be said of this piece.

With love,

Rubo

Welcome to Adulting

Hi everyone, 

Yes there is no error in my title. I'm talking about Adulting not Adulthood. 

Adulthood is the stage of being. Adulting for me is the state of transition or becoming. 

I remember as a little girl how excited I would be whenever I spoke about my twenties. I literally skipped the teenage years as I didn't even know it existed. I spoke about my wedding day, having a car for every day of the week (pssf), and having a lot of money. I could not wait for my 25th. At the time, I thought being an adult meant perfection. Yeah right!!! 

In fact, with a 'harsh' reality, my friends and I have come to realise that our twenties have been nothing but tough and rough. It has been a journey of several lows, momentary highs and a literal flight of discovery. 

I remember this particular day, I was fresh back from uni and as per usual, I was cleaning the house. It was a mixed season and I had been praying too. I was asking for an answer to a question I wasn't too clear about. I wanted to understand my struggles and I wanted to know what I should be expecting going forward. It felt like I hit rock bottom and did not have a recovery plan.  But something happened. My friend called me and as we spoke, she gave me a scripture: 

And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness--secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name. (Isaiah 45:3)

This scripture gave me a glimpse of hope in a very unsure season. It assured me that there were things in me that God was yet to pull out. It showed me that God was and is in control of my life and path. It illustrated that my purpose, calling and who I was to be was solely connected to Him. Finally, it explained that I am His and everything I was to go through would be so that I could know who He really was-The God of Israel. 

For the years that followed that day I have literally been Adulting. I have been taking it step by step, day by day and leaning on God to know the next move. It has not been easy and I have certainly taken a few wrong steps, but it is part of the process. 

Adulting to me is like the transition of a caterpillar to a butterfly. It has to go through a stage before it grows to be a butterfly. Imagine the pain in between that we never get to see, all we see is the beautiful butterfly afterwards. 

So we are left with a few options; either grown your way through your growing pains or embrace the change, learn, adapt and evolve into the person you were always meant to be. 

Here are some few tips that have helped me along the way 

Know who you are and who you are not

In other words be real with yourself and work on and improve on areas that you are lacking in. For example, if you're not an organised person, accept it and improve on it. There are tonnes of tools and resources out there to help you get into a routine and stick to it. 

Be financially savvy 

Yeah, finances is a critical topic in this period. It is certainly advisable to improve your knowledge on finances, savings, accounts available and those most beneficial to whatever stage you're in. 

Some websites I've used to improve my knowledge- Money Saving Expert and The Money Advice Service

Website I've used to maintain my credit score-

Also speak to others who may be more knowledgeable than you in this area. The bank is also willing to provide you with information-for freeeeee. 

Love yourself 

So many ways to dissect this phrase but I'll stick to one-don't rush into a relationship. Whilst I believe that every relationship is for a purpose to learn something et al, I also believe that we don't have to waste time and emotions. So learn to be by yourself. No relationship, as good as it is, will fill the vacuum that self love does. 

Adulting is hard, I won't lie. Sometimes I'm like bye (waves bye to air) but most times I observe and I take on what I can because I realise this phase will end eventually. 

Keep the hope up! 

With love 

Rubo 

XxX