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| Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16 |
Hi everyone,
As promised, I will be sharing my Festival of Life experience. There’s a motive behind this. I am aware that there’s a younger generation coming behind who follow, watch and listen to everything we do. They need us to be open, transparent and help them whenever we can. I felt compelled nonetheless for their benefit to share this with them and whoever else happens to read.
Where do I begin?
In all honesty, this journey started years ago but I will focus on last year. Last year had its great moments as I remember a few of my friends got married and I turned 25! Despite this, it was a struggle to get through. I spent days, weeks and months living in anxiety.
I remember a particular day when it hit me hard and in a way I didn’t think it could penetrate through. It was FOL season and one of the final rehearsals (for more info and when the next FOL holds, visit http://www.festivaloflife.org.uk). I was asked to lead one of the songs and I’ll be honest, I didn’t feel prepared as it was a complex song and required some getting used to. In fact, I spent most of that day worrying about it.
Time to sing! I get to rehearsals, the song comes up and the mic is handed to me. I froze. In my mind all I heard was ‘can’t, don’t bother, look at all these people staring.’ In reality, my friends were nudging me to sing and all I wanted to do was faint. In a nutshell, I was given only a section of the song to sing and that relieved some of the pressure I felt.
Fast forward to this year. I’ve overcome the anxious period of my life and even if it crops up, I have the tools I use to combat it.
So the week of the event and I receive a call about leading the praise at this seasons FOL. Honestly, I couldn’t believe it. I immediately informed a few people to back me up in prayer…I really needed it.
So on the day, I was all over the place. My soul wasn’t at rest and I didn’t know how to respond. I had prayed the night before but as the day unfolded, I became increasingly anxious. My friend noticed prior to sound check and mentioned we’d pray before we went up for sound check. Within a few minutes she had arranged for about 10 of my friends to surround me and pray. I was on my knees and I just burst into tears, struggling to breathe and praying against the spirit of anxiety. I could not believe it had surfaced again!! But I am so thankful for friends like this. Love you guys, you know who you are.
So it’s time for praise and worship to start, I could feel my heart racing and I wanted to give up but at the same time, I was so excited. In fact, to tell you how bad it was, I had calculated that if I fainted, then someone else had to lead instead of me, lol. Looking back, I realise how immature a thought it was and how easily the enemy could get into your head.
I have learnt from this experience and something I shared in my previous post-'We worship, we war’, that the enemy is always looking for a way to stop your praise. Be it on a personal or congregational level, the attacks will come. The question is, will you be able to stand?
I am sharing this as a personal testimony to God. See what God has done within the space of a year. Last year, I was trembling with fear, did not have confidence with the gift He gave me and look at how it has turned around. Surely this is only the beginning.
I’ll close with this thought, one scripture that God gave me for this season was 1 Timothy 4:12
Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.
I did wonder why God gave me this scripture but now I understand it more. One of my prayers that helped me focus on God, was to realise I am but a vessel and God could use anyone. So if I am a vessel and He chose to use me, I should represent Him well in everything I do and say. Additionally, this scripture was added affirmation for me from God, that my age didn’t matter to Him but my heart towards Him is more important.
On that note, I give God all the glory. I appreciate the support and love but it’s all about Him!
With love,
Rubo
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