A Festival of Life Encounter

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

Hi everyone,

As promised, I will be sharing my Festival of Life experience. There’s a motive behind this. I am aware that there’s a younger generation coming behind who follow, watch and listen to everything we do. They need us to be open, transparent and help them whenever we can. I felt compelled nonetheless for their benefit to share this with them and whoever else happens to read. 

Where do I begin?

In all honesty, this journey started years ago but I will focus on last year. Last year had its great moments as I remember a few of my friends got married and I turned 25! Despite this, it was a struggle to get through. I spent days, weeks and months living in anxiety.

I remember a particular day when it hit me hard and in a way I didn’t think it could penetrate through. It was FOL season and one of the final rehearsals (for more info and when the next FOL holds, visit http://www.festivaloflife.org.uk). I was asked to lead one of the songs and I’ll be honest, I didn’t feel prepared as it was a complex song and required some getting used to. In fact, I spent most of that day worrying about it.

Time to sing! I get to rehearsals, the song comes up and the mic is handed to me. I froze. In my mind all I heard was ‘can’t, don’t bother, look at all these people staring.’ In reality, my friends were nudging me to sing and all I wanted to do was faint. In a nutshell, I was given only a section of the song to sing and that relieved some of the pressure I felt. 

Fast forward to this year. I’ve overcome the anxious period of my life and even if it crops up, I have the tools I use to combat it.

So the week of the event and I receive a call about leading the praise at this seasons FOL. Honestly, I couldn’t believe it. I immediately informed a few people to back me up in prayer…I really needed it.

So on the day, I was all over the place. My soul wasn’t at rest and I didn’t know how to respond. I had prayed the night before but as the day unfolded, I became increasingly anxious. My friend noticed prior to sound check and mentioned we’d pray before we went up for sound check. Within a few minutes she had arranged for about 10 of my friends to surround me and pray. I was on my knees and I just burst into tears, struggling to breathe and praying against the spirit of anxiety. I could not believe it had surfaced again!! But I am so thankful for friends like this. Love you guys, you know who you are.

So it’s time for praise and worship to start, I could feel my heart racing and I wanted to give up but at the same time, I was so excited. In fact, to tell you how bad it was, I had calculated that if I fainted, then someone else had to lead instead of me, lol. Looking back, I realise how immature a thought it was and how easily the enemy could get into your head.

I have learnt from this experience and something I shared in my previous post-'We worship, we war’, that the enemy is always looking for a way to stop your praise. Be it on a personal or congregational level, the attacks will come. The question is, will you be able to stand?

I am sharing this as a personal testimony to God. See what God has done within the space of a year. Last year, I was trembling with fear, did not have confidence with the gift He gave me and look at how it has turned around. Surely this is only the beginning. 

I’ll close with this thought, one scripture that God gave me for this season was 1 Timothy 4:12

Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.

I did wonder why God gave me this scripture but now I understand it more. One of my prayers that helped me focus on God, was to realise I am but a vessel and God could use anyone. So if I am a vessel and He chose to use me, I should represent Him well in everything I do and say. Additionally, this scripture was added affirmation for me from God, that my age didn’t matter to Him but my heart towards Him is more important.

On that note, I give God all the glory. I appreciate the support and love but it’s all about Him!

With love,

Rubo

We worship, we war

So last week something interesting happened. 

I was very enthusiastic about service but also nervous at the same time as my pastor had asked me to coordinate our service-aka minister. But I was still excited for praise worship. 

On getting to church,  I realised that the keyboardist who is always punctual hadn't arrived. The drummer was around. Most choir members were around. So we prayed and committed the service into Gods hands. Keyboardist still hadn't arrived. I then checked my phone and realised he couldn't make it and a replacement was on the way. Nooo!!! I don't want a replacement today-legit not in the mood. It's too late to go through the songs. Will he know the songs, what key will I sing on now? (All the things going through my head. Our church is in the process of building up a team of musicians so we currently use an agency).  

Immediately, I told the Holy Spirit how tired and unprepared I was for this. Simultaneously, I changed my prayer ‘Lord please just help me’. With much courage, I pick up the mic ready to start without the keyboard and just embrace what the spirit of the Lord wants to do. 

1st issue, the mics started messing up. They were perfectly fine beforehand but once we started singing, it kept cutting off. I'm like what the heck! We start swapping mics, sound guys are running up and down. I eventually just put the mic down and carried on singing, closing my eyes and focusing on Jesus. 

I hear someone running in pressing the keys on the keyboard to find out what key I'm on. My mind is like, but we didn't pray together- 😩. 

Then I literally saw someone else run towards the conga drums. I'm like wait, what?! Hahaha this is funny.  

Is this praise worship or competition to create the most commotion? I couldn't take it anymore so I stopped everything. Told the sound uncles not to bother with the mic, told the keyboardist not to bother pressing anymore keys, asked the drummer to please refrain from using her sticks and asked everyone to focus. 

Let's forget the list, forget all equipment and just worship. Wanna know what happened? There was such a peace that came with that-we totally flowed together as a church, singing old school devotional songs and personally I felt like this was much better than anything else. 

Let me take you back. The night before I was writing to God and I remember the impression God laid on my heart. He kept asking me to pray for the service. I was like what's with this constant request, can I please talk about my issues? Honestly, it was such a tug but I only prayed a general prayer. I can't remember if I was specific about anything. 

When I narrated this story to one of my worship mentors, I was made to understand that we are not worshipping but we are 'warshipping'. This is warfare. The devil will do ANYTHING, he can to disrupt service, praise worship and personal devotional times. 

A few things I'd like to pass on to choir members and worship leaders 

1. Cover yourself in prayer. This is no longer about you. Yes you have a heart and love for God but you’re in battle
2. The worship team is not a playing field. It's a battle field. You're either ready for it or not. The attacks will come. What I spoke of is minute compared to what I've experienced in the recent past 
3. Be spiritually sensitive. This is tied in with number 1, start by consistently praying and praying in the Holy Ghost. Jude 1:20, Romans 8:26
4. Be open minded. When it comes to praise worship, be led by the spirit. I had my list all ready to go and I had to adapt last minute. This may not be the scenario in all churches but let the Holy Spirit be your compass 

I hope my little Sunday story helps you as it has taught me something fresh. I'm grateful to God for this gift and totally enjoying this journey. Expect more posts on this topic! 

With love,

Rubo 

What's in your heart?

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9)
(Source: www.netdoctor.co.uk)

The physical heart is no more than the size of a fist, yet it is a powerful and complex muscle that constantly supplies the whole body with the most essential bodily fluid along side nutrients and oxygen. The heart also functions to remove toxic substances from the body, such as carbon dioxide, in order for the body to remain in a healthy condition. Whilst the heart functions almost autonomously, lifestyle impacts can alter its function and in worse case scenarios, totally stop it. As briefly summarised, the heart is necessary for survival.

The spiritual heart can be likened unto the physical heart as it controls our being. What's in our heart ultimately determines our thoughts, actions, habits and our character. This is why Proverbs 4:23 says 'Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.' 

Another scripture that deals with the content of the heart is Matthew 5, '27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.'

I like this scripture as it talks of the content of the heart (lust), the actions caused by its content (adultery) and how to deal with it (getting rid of lust totally and completely by changing lifestyle habits, e.g, the things you see and hear). 

Intrigued by someone's behaviour? Ask them of their experiences and you'll see the content of their heart.


I feel a lot of times people judge each other by their actions and whilst this can be an indicator of the condition of the heart, it must not be confused with their actual intent. I remember recently having an experience with God. During the week, I hadn't spent much time with Him in word, prayer or song. Having arrived at choir rehearsals, it was time to worship. Just as I was going to open up my mouth and sing something happened, God asked me 'What's in your heart?' I stopped to look at who was talking but obviously I knew who. I was in shock. Truly what was in my heart to give to Him? 
This scripture came to mind, 'But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. ( 1 Samuel 16:7b NIV). 

God is looking at the content of my heart because that's my control centre as stated previously. In the Old Testament, the Israelites were instructed to present offerings without spot, wrinkle or blemish. This is illustrated in Leviticus 22,  '17 The Lord said to Moses, 18 “Speak to Aaron and his sons and to all the Israelites and say to them: ‘If any of you—whether an Israelite or a foreigner residing in Israel—presents a gift for a burnt offering to the Lord, either to fulfill a vow or as a freewill offering, 19 you must present a male without defect from the cattle, sheep or goats in order that it may be accepted on your behalf. 20 Do not bring anything with a defect, because it will not be accepted on your behalf.'
If my heart isn't right, how can I offer it unto Him? That's a blemish in itself.

I believe the heart is sensitive, due to this, we need to guard our heart so that it can continue to function as its supposed to.

It's good to talk about the heart but it's an extensive topic, truly who can fully grasp it? (Jeremiah 17:9 NIV)

Rubologs